Enjoy Your Walk in the Park

While we might not agree with the general idea of signs denying us the right to a bit of fresh air and exercise, there are certain times where such prohibitions are understandable. Like the above, found at the entrance to Redlands Mall.

The sign has the added bonus of being simple and to the point; they even went with the old-school big-NO-that-applies-to-everything design.

Not as simple as some of the terse commands plus iconography you’ll often find, however. Like this one, warning about overhead electrical wires

Granted, it’s a danger 35′ above the ground, but if you’re in a low-flying aircraft or working on a crane, you should definitely be on your guard.

(I also love the inches mark ready, just in case.)

Unfortunately, the simplicity of the Redlands Mall front door disappears once you’re inside, where this forboding sign greets you:

I’m rather surprised there isn’t a clerk at a desk nearby, taking signatures and blood samples. A closer look at the bottom:

Examples of specific activities that are not permitted include, but are not limited to:

• Disruptive profanity, vulgar or threatening language
• Unnecessarily blocking walkways, roadways or store fronts
• Running, horseplay or disorderly conduct of any nature
• Excessive loitering
• Operating unauthorized recreational and/or personal transportation devices in the shopping center
• No firearms or illegal weapons

Guests who do not act responsibly may be asked to leave. If they refused to leave the property, they may be arrested and prosecuted for criminal trespass.

Considering how few stores are left in Redlands Mall, never mind customers, I’m amazed they would go to so much trouble to keep people out. And excessive loitering? Is that staging sit-ins?

The main issue is not so much what’s forbidden, rather that it’s just too bloody complicated, a curse some sign makers suffer from. Like this fine example from Seccombe Lake Park in San Bernardino:

The Following Are Not Permitted

• Possession or consumption of alcoholic beverages.
• Private dumping.
• Loitering.
• Removing, destroying, mutilating or cutting of any tree, plant, shrub, bloom or flower.
• Cutting, breaking or defacing any public building or structure.
• Possession or discharge of firearms.
• Open fires.
• Overnight camping.
• Practice golf.
• Skating or bicycling.
• Horses.
• Dogs without leash.
• Harassment of wildlife.
• Indulging in riotous, boisterous or indecent conduct.
• Operating or parking any motor vehicle in non-designated areas.

And one for the taggers:

Pursuant to P.C. 594.1(d) it is unlawful for any person to have in their possession an aerosol container of paint larger than 6 oz. while in any posted public facility or park.

It’s astonishing that “Reading signs” and “Excessive smiling” aren’t on the list.

How about this one from Hulda Crooks Park in Loma Linda:

In summary, it is illegal to actually bring a small dog into the small dog area, and those scofflaws in the background can expect a visit from the authorities.

Bureaucrats love telling people what not to do, but when it comes to saying what’s okay, they completely disappear.

Compare the above ugly monstrosities to this wonderful counter-example found at Prospect Park in Redlands:

Pick up after the pooch
Use park trash cans
Leave flora and fauna as is
Keep the restroom clean

Enjoy Your Walk in the Park

Now isn’t that lovely?

No Loitering

There are a couple of definitions of “loiter” in the Collaborative International Dictionary of English, and neither of them have anything to do with goiters.

(“Oiter” is a very funny sound. Oiter oiter oiter! Oiter in the court! I was just following Oiters. Law and Oiter was just canceled. Anyhow.)

So, to loiter:

1. To be slow in moving; to delay; to linger; to be dilatory; to spend time idly; to saunter; to lag behind.
2. To wander as an idle vagrant.

In a puritanical society where anything pleasurable is immediately suspect, not to mention a capitalistic system where moving slowly is a sin, it is perhaps little wonder that idling or lingering somewhere is frowned upon. “Why, lingering makes up most of the word ‘malingering’!”

(Can I take your Oiter?! OK, I’m done.)

Of course, loitering isn’t just tsk-tsk’d — it’s a crime, and one of the go-to commandments for sign-makers and bureaucrats around the country. To the point of absurdity.

Best just to keep circling the block until your bus shows up, then sprint for the door before they drive off.

What is a law-abiding Starbucks consumer to do? I feel guilty standing there reading the sign!

Now they’re getting serious. Just keep on walking through the park and don’t look up.

On the bright side, by this point you’re beyond caring about prosecution.

While you’re at it: avert your eyes!

While this entry is not strictly according to the guidelines (i.e., no inherently healthful aerobic activities being forbidden), the juxtaposition between sign and environment more than makes up for it.

First, the sign:

Click for larger

I love how the individual Municipal Codes are identified under each proscribed behavior.

While my favorite outdoor activities are not implicitly forbidden, “No Trespassing” can be understood to cover walking, cycling, and hiking — bottom line, don’t do anything here.

And what are these ominous commandments protecting?

Click for larger

A green rectangle begging for trespassing and/or loitering.

Coming Soon!

Coming soon: The No No Project. Chronicling the Anti-Aerobic Conspiracy.