No Loitering

There are a couple of definitions of “loiter” in the Collaborative International Dictionary of English, and neither of them have anything to do with goiters.

(“Oiter” is a very funny sound. Oiter oiter oiter! Oiter in the court! I was just following Oiters. Law and Oiter was just canceled. Anyhow.)

So, to loiter:

1. To be slow in moving; to delay; to linger; to be dilatory; to spend time idly; to saunter; to lag behind.
2. To wander as an idle vagrant.

In a puritanical society where anything pleasurable is immediately suspect, not to mention a capitalistic system where moving slowly is a sin, it is perhaps little wonder that idling or lingering somewhere is frowned upon. “Why, lingering makes up most of the word ‘malingering’!”

(Can I take your Oiter?! OK, I’m done.)

Of course, loitering isn’t just tsk-tsk’d — it’s a crime, and one of the go-to commandments for sign-makers and bureaucrats around the country. To the point of absurdity.

Best just to keep circling the block until your bus shows up, then sprint for the door before they drive off.

What is a law-abiding Starbucks consumer to do? I feel guilty standing there reading the sign!

Now they’re getting serious. Just keep on walking through the park and don’t look up.

On the bright side, by this point you’re beyond caring about prosecution.