Enjoy Your Walk in the Park

While we might not agree with the general idea of signs denying us the right to a bit of fresh air and exercise, there are certain times where such prohibitions are understandable. Like the above, found at the entrance to Redlands Mall.

The sign has the added bonus of being simple and to the point; they even went with the old-school big-NO-that-applies-to-everything design.

Not as simple as some of the terse commands plus iconography you’ll often find, however. Like this one, warning about overhead electrical wires

Granted, it’s a danger 35′ above the ground, but if you’re in a low-flying aircraft or working on a crane, you should definitely be on your guard.

(I also love the inches mark ready, just in case.)

Unfortunately, the simplicity of the Redlands Mall front door disappears once you’re inside, where this forboding sign greets you:

I’m rather surprised there isn’t a clerk at a desk nearby, taking signatures and blood samples. A closer look at the bottom:

Examples of specific activities that are not permitted include, but are not limited to:

• Disruptive profanity, vulgar or threatening language
• Unnecessarily blocking walkways, roadways or store fronts
• Running, horseplay or disorderly conduct of any nature
• Excessive loitering
• Operating unauthorized recreational and/or personal transportation devices in the shopping center
• No firearms or illegal weapons

Guests who do not act responsibly may be asked to leave. If they refused to leave the property, they may be arrested and prosecuted for criminal trespass.

Considering how few stores are left in Redlands Mall, never mind customers, I’m amazed they would go to so much trouble to keep people out. And excessive loitering? Is that staging sit-ins?

The main issue is not so much what’s forbidden, rather that it’s just too bloody complicated, a curse some sign makers suffer from. Like this fine example from Seccombe Lake Park in San Bernardino:

The Following Are Not Permitted

• Possession or consumption of alcoholic beverages.
• Private dumping.
• Loitering.
• Removing, destroying, mutilating or cutting of any tree, plant, shrub, bloom or flower.
• Cutting, breaking or defacing any public building or structure.
• Possession or discharge of firearms.
• Open fires.
• Overnight camping.
• Practice golf.
• Skating or bicycling.
• Horses.
• Dogs without leash.
• Harassment of wildlife.
• Indulging in riotous, boisterous or indecent conduct.
• Operating or parking any motor vehicle in non-designated areas.

And one for the taggers:

Pursuant to P.C. 594.1(d) it is unlawful for any person to have in their possession an aerosol container of paint larger than 6 oz. while in any posted public facility or park.

It’s astonishing that “Reading signs” and “Excessive smiling” aren’t on the list.

How about this one from Hulda Crooks Park in Loma Linda:

In summary, it is illegal to actually bring a small dog into the small dog area, and those scofflaws in the background can expect a visit from the authorities.

Bureaucrats love telling people what not to do, but when it comes to saying what’s okay, they completely disappear.

Compare the above ugly monstrosities to this wonderful counter-example found at Prospect Park in Redlands:

Pick up after the pooch
Use park trash cans
Leave flora and fauna as is
Keep the restroom clean

Enjoy Your Walk in the Park

Now isn’t that lovely?

Don’t Be Stupid

It is not the opinion of the No No Project that all signs are evil. Much like guns, signs don’t hurt people — people hurt people! Well, that’s not entirely true. Once, I gave myself a nice head gash by running into the corner of a “30 Minute Parking” sign that was probably at a safe height for someone a foot shorter than I.

Where was I…

Ah yes: not all signs are evil. In fact, some are downright saintly in their practical exhortations:

“DANGER,” this Los Angeles DWP sign exclaims. “Keep Off! Do Not Climb! Hazardous voltage on this structure will shock, burn or kill you.” No pussy-footing around there. And the Jovian lightning bolt certainly teaches the gigantic silhouette a lesson. Or perhaps the illustration isn’t precisely to scale.

“DO NOT FEED THE WILDLIFE,” this sign from the LA Department of Recreation and Parks commands. “VIOLATORS WILL BE CITED $1,000 FINE and/or 6 MONTHS IN JAIL. 43.06.5 LAMC.” So, you know, don’t.

Not feeding animals (whether scary stereotypes or not) is important. It’s dangerous for you and dangerous for them in the long run as they get dependent on humans for their food. Next thing you know, they’re dragging your children off into the bush like dingos do. Reportedly.

Besides, going by the illustration, I’m guessing you shouldn’t feed chocolate chip cookies to wolves any way — assuming chocolate is as harmful to them as it is to their domesticated cousins.

The only real problem with this sign is a question of anatomy. Try holding your hand in the position shown and work out where exactly you are supposed to be standing in relation to the wild animal. Be careful during this re-creation, as you may hurt your wrist.

I’m guessing the person in question took a bite of their cookie then let it hang by their side…where the unidentified canine snuck up for a free snack.

Really, the main message of these signs is “Don’t Be Stupid!” You could save a lot of time, money, and effort on producing endless varieties of signage with a simple “Don’t Be Stupid!”

Another example:

“Please Do Not Use This Gate As An Excercise Apparatus.”

The low-hanging fruit of useless and incorrect capitalization, as well as the “Excercise” typo, I will merely mention in passing.

What strikes me more important is:

1. that many people were using what looks to be a sturdy apparatus to excercise upon,
2. that one or more people took so much umbrage with all that excercising that they contacted the authorities, and
3. the bureaucracy in question took the time to post a sign forbidding excercise altogether.

Seen from another angle, clarity ensues:

My conclusions:

• This gate was built for excercising. Look at it! Hand holds, foot posts, the human dimensions. It could be a piece of playground equipment!
• This makes it the gate’s fault for being so excerciseable.
• The responsible bureaucracy is obviously sign-happy, so it might well have been one irate citizen calling about one excerciser that prompted the sign’s installation.

Once again, a single “Don’t Be Stupid!” could stand in for all the other rules.

But that’s true of a lot of things.

(Thanks to No No Project correspondent Alejandro for the pictures.)

Don’t. Stop. Don’t. Stop.

An entry worthy of some hypothetical No No Project Hall of Fame award, seen at How We Drive: “And You Don’t Stop!”

I’m guessing rival gangs of municipal traffic sign departments are having a turf war. ;)

(Via Change Your Life. Ride a Bike!)

Ceci n’est pas une caméra vidéo

This sign greets the visitor at the entrance of Hulda Crooks Park in Loma Linda, California:

Now, as we’ll see in future No No Project entries, video surveillance is the new black when it comes to municipal law enforcement.

It’s what’s known in military and police parlance as a force multiplier—a tool that multiplies the effective strength of a given unit. Having a police-monitored camera like this one enables the operator to keep an eye on multiple places without having expensive police officers all over the place.

The police love this stuff. Easily frightened people also love it, but we won’t get into the ethical and societal problems that constant surveillance raises. I would just like to point out one thing:

I have a couple of reactions here.

1. If your icon is so poorly designed that it requires a label plastered on it letting us know what the icon is, the icon has failed. QED.
2. Isn’t the identification of the icon obvious by the fact that the rest of the sign is warning us about a video camera?

If you’re going to go the Big Brother route, at least make it a friendly dystopian intrusion like at next-door Redlands’ Prospect Park:

Now doesn’t that make you feel better?

No Loitering

There are a couple of definitions of “loiter” in the Collaborative International Dictionary of English, and neither of them have anything to do with goiters.

(“Oiter” is a very funny sound. Oiter oiter oiter! Oiter in the court! I was just following Oiters. Law and Oiter was just canceled. Anyhow.)

So, to loiter:

1. To be slow in moving; to delay; to linger; to be dilatory; to spend time idly; to saunter; to lag behind.
2. To wander as an idle vagrant.

In a puritanical society where anything pleasurable is immediately suspect, not to mention a capitalistic system where moving slowly is a sin, it is perhaps little wonder that idling or lingering somewhere is frowned upon. “Why, lingering makes up most of the word ‘malingering’!”

(Can I take your Oiter?! OK, I’m done.)

Of course, loitering isn’t just tsk-tsk’d — it’s a crime, and one of the go-to commandments for sign-makers and bureaucrats around the country. To the point of absurdity.

Best just to keep circling the block until your bus shows up, then sprint for the door before they drive off.

What is a law-abiding Starbucks consumer to do? I feel guilty standing there reading the sign!

Now they’re getting serious. Just keep on walking through the park and don’t look up.

On the bright side, by this point you’re beyond caring about prosecution.

Modern downtown needs

An impressive list of activities are forbidden in White Park of downtown Riverside, California, many of which are healthy outdoorsy stuff you might expect to be able to do in a park:

Click to enlarge.

• Roller Skates
• Roller Blades
• Scooters
• Bikes
• Skates or Skaters or perhaps SkateǷs using the obsolete letter Wynn from Old English

Gardening is also forbidden, usually identified as a healthy activity, but probably understandable in this context. ;) And how about Smoking affixed amongst the healthy stuff as an edit?

I am somewhat astounded by the omission of No Loitering. Perhaps it’s assumed.

Interesting too that the logo for the park has a closed gate on it. Here’s the actual entrance:

Click to enlarge.

Also at the entrance is this historical marker:

Click to enlarge.

White Park
– 1883 –

Named for Albert S. White, a city park commissioner who championed its development, White Park was Riverside’s first park. Established by private donations of land and labor, and set in town center in the tradition of the Spanish plaza, the park was deeded to the city in 1889. Reflecting the Victorian philosophy of eclectic and exotic plantings in park design, White Park has maintained its original character while adapting to modern downtown needs.

Cultural Heritage Board Landmark No. 57, City of Riverside.

Modern downtown needs apparently do not include getting any exercise in an ostensibly public park, unless it consists of promenading both modestly and discreetly, all the while careful not to break an indelicate sweat.

Welcome to The No No Project!

This is the “soft release” period for The No No Project website and blog. While there is no planned “official” start date, we should be revving up to speed in the next few weeks.

For more details about the Project, check out the About page — the quick version goes like this:

The No No Project is a tongue-in-cheek look at the supreme effort governments and businesses exert to make healthy activities verboten. The idea came to me after I began to notice just how many signs there are around forbidding things like bicycling, skating, standing, walking — all quite healthy activities that get you outdoors, moving and breathing.

Here’s a good simple example from the local Del Taco:

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The usual No Soliciting and the vague No Loitering (which is, what? sitting and standing?) are used, but then there’s the seemingly ubiquitous anti-skating provision, here aimed at the equipment with No Skateboards.

Sometimes instead of equipment, the signs go after the activity itself:

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By the way, that “CPC 602.5″ refers to a section of the California Penal Code specifically dealing with Trespassing, namely:

…aggravated trespass punishable by imprisonment in a county jail for not more than one year or by a fine of not more than one thousand dollars ($1,000), or by both that fine and imprisonment.

Good times.

In other cases, signs do away with words all but entirely:

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The Redlands City Ordinance 62104b mentioned has this to say:

It is unlawful for any person to ride upon any bicycle, roller skate or skates, skateboard, or other contrivance upon any sidewalk within any business district within the city of Redlands, except for authorized law enforcement personnel of the city. Business district means any business district as defined by section 235 of the California Vehicle Code.

So yeah, keep your wheels off the sidewalks.

Making skateboarding a de facto illegal activity has been protested against loudly and thoroughly across the country, but it’s going to take a ton of time and local activism to change attitudes, much less laws. In towns like Redlands or San Bernardino, which offer relatively few activities for teens, this becomes even more difficult.

Something else to think about while we document the anti-aerobic bureaucracies.

While you’re at it: avert your eyes!

While this entry is not strictly according to the guidelines (i.e., no inherently healthful aerobic activities being forbidden), the juxtaposition between sign and environment more than makes up for it.

First, the sign:

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I love how the individual Municipal Codes are identified under each proscribed behavior.

While my favorite outdoor activities are not implicitly forbidden, “No Trespassing” can be understood to cover walking, cycling, and hiking — bottom line, don’t do anything here.

And what are these ominous commandments protecting?

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A green rectangle begging for trespassing and/or loitering.

Coming Soon!

Coming soon: The No No Project. Chronicling the Anti-Aerobic Conspiracy.